Freaky Reproduction Award

Freaky reproduction (as in infertility and its numerous treatments) and various other related forms of miracle reproductions (as in virgin births), though certainly not the norm, make up a visible portion of the entertainment industry.

Take for example, ABC’s show Desperate Housewives. It started off with the suicide of a perfect housewife and mother of one child (I guess that should have ticked us off. Who has only one child if not freaky people?). As the show progressed it was revealed that this desperate housewife was desperately infertile and had to “steal” the kid of a fertile drug addict. Later when the drug addict was “clean” and demanded back her child (“thanks for taking care of my baby, now hand him back”), the desperate infertile killed her and subsequently herself a couple of years down the road. Apparently it’s well known that infertility can cause great pains, and what is more entertaining than watching how freaky people deal with it behind closed doors?

So, because freaky reproduction is so darn entertaining to the masses, I am thinking of giving out awards for the best “freaky reproduction” encountered in the media.

Here is my absolute favorite so far. I believe it was one of the CSI episodes, though please do not ask me which of the many CSI shows it actually was. New York, Miami, Babylon? Don’t know and don’t care.

The episode in question had it all: failed IVFs and FETs, embryo donation, virgin birth, and of course, bloody murder. Really, that’s hard to beat, don’t you think?

If I remember correctly the story started out with a mother of a little boy being murdered. So far nothing out of the ordinary for a crime show. But listen. The mother was still a virgin as attested by her intact hymen (guess, the kiddle came out via c-section. I just can’t see a hymen surviving a vaginal birth)?! And No, no, her name was not Mary, but I shall call her so anyway. So, of course freaky (as opposed to the divine) reproduction must have played a role. Freaky as in donor embryo. And believe it or not, in her will Mary assigned the genetic parents custody of her little boy. That of course, signed her death warrant. I almost feel silly pointing it out to you.

The genetic parents of the little boy didn’t have any babies of their own. None of the three (or so) IVFs produced a baby. And instead of trying a last time with their frozen embryos (as I assume probably most infertiles who still wish for a child would have done), they donated their embryos. To modern Mary, or whatever her name.

While Mary is busy gestating a little boy, the genetic father of the little boy dies; most likely of a heart attack or cancer or some other unfortunate life event. His death leaves a heartbroken wife. No husband, no babies.

And this is where another mother enters the picture. The genetic maternal grandmother. Because life has dealt her daughter a very crappy hand of cards, she takes matters in her own hands and forces some happiness into her daughter’s life.

Unfortunately that meant to kill Mary. Poor virgin Mary who only wanted to do good by saving doomed embryos (while at the same time saving herself for Mr. Right).

So, I guess, the morale of this episode was something along these lines: always offer yourself as a surrogate. It may save YOUR life. Or maybe I misunderstood. Maybe the show just wanted to say: Never attempt a virgin birth. Too dangerous.

Any other favorites out there?