Orientation: where am I?

Had the IVF worked I’d be now somewhere around 6 weeks pregnant. But, alas, not so much luck. At least, my blood flow has stopped and I think, I am actually
about to ovulate (which is probably a good thing, ‘cause it means my old girls are doing what they are supposed to under the given circumstances). In order to have even our minimal chance for pregnancy (not zero yet!), ovulation needs to happen soon though, ‘cause Mr. H. is going on a business trip. He claims he doesn’t want to but I don’t believe one word of this. Who wouldn’t want to go to Portugal?!

A week ago or so, Mr. H and I had our “cycle review” consultation with Dr. Soothing. Not much to say about this, other than that despite our meager quantity of eggs, they would let me cycle again because our embryos seemed to be of “good enough quality” (it’s just too bad they didn’t connect with my uterus). I also learned that my uterine lining was triple-striped, which pleasantly surprised me (but then again, why did the cupcakes not thrive there?). Because Dr. Soothing had never mentioned it before, I simply assumed my lining had not changed. We now have to make the decision if and when we would want to go down the IVF road again. I also have to think about whether I would like to have a laparoscopy done to drain my endometrioma before another IVF in the hope that the draining will increase egg quality and egg quantity. Might as well, right? At least, if it’s covered by insurance. Apparently egg quality and quantity is always an issue with me and my delicate kind of endometriosis. Not to mention my geriatric age. Maybe they can try to repair my fallopian tube at the same time. Wouldn’t that be something? I also have to get another pap smear, which scares me. I am not sure I could deal with any bad news on that battlefield at the moment.

I have also added to my team of health care professionals. In addition to Dr. Soothing and his RE team, my therapist lady (specializing in infertility and a SIF survivor herself), my acupuncturist/herbalist (I’m enjoying her concoction this very second), I have now “hired” a belly massage therapist. I figured it could not do anymore harm, but might actually alleviate adhesions and increase blood flow to my poor, battered uterus. The massage therapist, Mr. Belly, seemed duly impressed with my belly misfortunes and applauded my efforts to try out abdominal massage. I’m actually rather curious to see if I notice a difference. Anybody out there who has tried this?

So, where am I now? To my surprise, I think I am a pessimistic optimist. Deep down, despite everything that has happened (and continues to happen) I still seem to think that somehow, someday I actually manage to get pregnant again (well, at least I seem to think that occasionally). Right now, I still give ART a chance. After that, maybe it's time for a bit "relaxing"...hehe