ART has its prize

It’s been a while since I last posted. It hasn’t been that long though since I’ve written a post, but I never seem to be able to post them. Sometimes it’s because I’m too lazy to actual copy and paste my entries into blogger, sometimes it’s because I censor myself. For example, there was this post about how Mr. H and I had a disagreement about ovulation sex (Infertility hasn’t exactly improved our sex life). But I couldn’t get myself to actual post my frustration about Mr. H. He is my rock, my safe haven. He doesn’t deserve a public flogging.

Now, on to my exciting ART life:

I’ve given myself one year to try out ART to add to our family. The end of that year is in sight, with only a picture of two ARTistic embryos to show for. I made up my mind to try out IVF one more time, however, only after a laparoscopy to drain my endometrioma and the attempt to open my right tube. I need to give this try the very best shot. I need to go for broke this time.

I’m not even sure if I really think IVF is the answer to my fertility problem(s). Deep down it feels futile. Deep down, I think that albeit there may still be a child somewhere in me, IVF may not be the one to bring it out. Delusional, I know. But what can I do? As far as I am concerned, doctors have made mistakes before. After all, they predicted that I would stand at most about 4’10 inches high when in reality I managed to grow up to respectable 5’ 2’’. I showed them, didn’t I? I just hope they can manage to open my blocked tube, because that would increase my chances of a natural pregnancy enormously. Say from 0.5% to 3%. Or something in that vicinity…

I have also decided to go see a kind of a “healer” who specializes in infertility. Most likely he will not be able to help me either but he’s a bit cheaper than my RE. And so far my RE hasn’t helped me get pregnant either, right? So I figured that it can’t really hurt anything (other than my wallet, but my RE hurts that even more) to get his opinion. Apparently he doesn’t believe in old eggs, a belief that is always soothing to me. If I ever manage to get a hold of him (he’s one tough cookie to get in touch with), I will let you know how it all went. At the very least, it should be interesting. And at best, I will get pregnant (and stay pregnant) the very next cycle. Or the one after. I am not that picky anymore.

Other than that? Well, since this exciting yet futile ART year is coming to an end, I will start looking into a different job. Being a professional ART patient wasn’t quite what I had in mind for a career. For one, it’s not only stressful but doesn’t give you a paycheck. And I’d love to have a paycheck again! To be honest though, I have no idea what kind of a job I would be interested in/good at. So far, I have only seriously tried out academia. And, well, I don’t really want to go back there either. Although compared to my ART career, it was actually quite fun. So, we’ll see.

And lastly, I finally paid the last bill for my ARTistic embryo picture. I figure that's what all the bills were for.