hello, I',m back

It’s been some time that I have updated. In fact, it’s been so long that I am practically at the end of another cycle….So here it comes:

I feel fine. I don’t think my expectations regarding my short-lived pregnancy four weeks ago were very high to begin with. Just the fact there was a second line made me happy. That something must have worked. It still amazes me. I stare at the pee sticks in wonder not in dismay. I cherish this short-lived pregnancy, I really do.

I called my OBGYN to ask if I needed a Rhogam shot (I felt a little silly asking, but better safe than sorry) and the nurse told me several times “I’m so sorry”, making me wonder whether I should have felt more crushed and less giddy. In some ways it is a little sad that my particular IF experience has taught me to be happy even for a chemical pregnancy. I am not happy that this ride ended much too soon, not at all, but I am happy it started.

Part of it is that I felt almost like a “normal” woman. For a week I was granted the status of an OB patient, when usually I am “just” a Gyn case. It’s ironic that I fell pregnant (though I feel like an imposter saying it) during the very same cycle that I have switched OB/GYN offices. I just went to a new office for my annual pap smear around the time implantation must have occurred, and I expressed the wish to meet with the actual doctor in March to discuss her input on my upcoming surgery. I remember the medical assistant going over my intake questionnaire and remarking “oh, only one pregnancy”…Gulp. A couple of days later, I felt sick to my stomach and had to deal with a stomach flu of some sorts for a couple of days (including a fever and diarrhea). Then I expected my period. Which came, but only after I’ve seen the double lines (of varying shades) on at least 3 pregnancy tests. My abdomen didn’t feel well the entire time, lots of uterine and intestinal discomfort, so I wasn’t surprised that this unexpected ride ended much too soon. But I still get happy looking at the tests.

Th credit for the term “Ninja embryo”, by the way, goes to Mr H. During our cycle review (which took place around the time of ovulation, sort of ironic, isn’t it?), he summed up our options by saying something like “so, basically all we can do now, is to hope for a ninja embryo…” I almost laughed out loud. Ninja embryo indeed.

I went to see my RE again last week. It seems he is not so much in favor anymore of another surgery. However, he agreed that we should do another HSG. If that one shows that the right tube spills some fluid, we forgo the surgery – for now. If not, we need to discuss our options – again. Yawn. I am also going to meet my new OB/GYN this week for a consult. I am curious to hear what she comes up with.

Anyhow, I have to admit that my little pregnancy adventure has gone a bit to my head. I seem to think I have joined the fertile league again. Quite cute, actually. I even peed on my remaining two HPT tests this cycle. I am sure there was a second line there somewhere, it was just so white, it was hard to distinguish it from the white background. They should make those lines a bit more visible, don’t you think?