Survived Thanksgiving

thank you all so much for commenting on my last posts. It means a lot to me. It really does.

Thanksgiving is over and I managed to go over to my in-laws dinner. It was a very small dinner, none of the pregnant ladies were in attendance, and pregnancy talk were kept to a minimum. I couldn't have gone, however, had Mr H and I not have a big fight beforehand.

Infertility/miscarriages are hard on our marriage, which doesn't come as a surprise I suppose. Some people say they get closer BECAUSE of it, but I am not sure that's the case for us. I guess, it could be, if we had a similar style of mourning the loss of our dreams. But we really don't. To me it always seems, Mr H is sad FOR me, not necessarily WITH me. Don't know if that makes sense. But it always enhances my feelings of aloneness.

There was one time when he mentioned that a friend of ours (couple of years older, went through a bit of infertility, but ended up with a second child long before there was even a chance for us) kept telling him "just keep trying" and that this comment really bothered him. At this moment, I felt really close to Mr H.

The last couple of months seem like a dream to me. A great dream but "only" a dream nonetheless. Sometimes the memories even feel surreal. Maybe I just dreamed that I had been pregnant? But then i see the bruises from the IV...my ninja was a reality at least for some time.

Unfortunately, not long enough.