I want to believe...

that

1) the very faint plus sign I thought I saw on the Clearblue easy pregnancy tests (Mr H “if I hold it at a certain angle, there may be something…”) yesterday evening (~11dpo) and that darkened over night in a visible, blue plus sign (this never happens with my clearly negative ones), means that I have, indeed and again, some hcg in my body right now….(go ninjas!)

2) there is hope that maybe someday I get pregnant and stay pregnant again

3) my old eggs are not doing quite as badly as Dr. Soothing seems to think. Even when they decide to pop out a bit early.

4) my dysfunctional (challenged) plumbing has probably more to do with my infertility than Dr. Soothing believes.

5) my body likes ADs so much better than any fertility medication!


What I cannot believe is:

that I won’t have to reschedule my hysteroscopy surgery which is scheduled for April, 23rd. If there is indeed another ninja trying to implant right now, how could it thrive in a uterus full of adhesions?

But: Isn’t this amazing? I haven’t got positive HPtests for over 2.5 years (sadly including those two IVFs, yada, yada, yada) and then somehow, this is the second time this year that I get possibly positive (well, at least not clearly negative ones) pregnancy tests?! Seriously, having a functional tube kicks ass. The cleaning may have helped, too.

In other news, well, really what else could there possibly be?

Are you sometimes wondering whether I make up all this stuff? I couldn’t blame you. Really. And no, I am not going to test today, I want to carry around this happy, possibly delusional feeling for a while longer...

*** EDITED***
haha, just read that Clearblue +/- tests are prone to show plus signs (particularly if one waits a day, and mine did get more pronounced overnight) even if one is most certainly not pregnant. Bummer. I still want to believe...this information just made it a tad bit more difficult.