One more try...

...before I turn 37. And NO, it won't be IVF (never again), just a good ole' hay roling. Apparently, roling in the hay works just as "well"- if not better- for us anyway...I originally wanted to try Letrozole this cycle, but Mr H announced he was leaving the country for a while. Sadly, for a second there I contemplated asking him to get his sperm frozen. Slap me. Please.

But never mind. His business trip was postponed.

Given that we won't try IVF again, are not pursuing either adoption nor donor eggs it feels as if I don't have much to contribute to the IF community anymore (if ever really). Our plan is simple, if only in words. Take care and enjoy our little family of three. And continue to hope. Occasionally I might try Letrozole, ovulation predictors, and who knows even some IUIs here and there. I haven't done those yet, so might as well add them to my repertoire. I will continue to do acupuncture and herbs and get abdominal massages. I will still do uterine maintenance, but try to be realistic. After almost three years of infertility, two gloriously negative IVF cycles, several surgeries, two wonderous chemical pregnancies, a full term- pregnancy just doesn't sound all that likely.

Which doesn't prevent me at all from peeing on sticks again. But I noticed that my expectations have truly changed. I am not devastated each month anymore. I keep the positive pee sticks from the beginning of the year and enjoy looking at them. My ninjas. Last cycle I added two more sticks. They weren't positives at all, but what I call "promising negatives". Negative results that show a hint of a line long after 10 minutes are over. Most likely those lines are evap lines. They only appeared on two tests and those were from the same package. I decided to keep them anyway in my collection. Wishful thinking.

Wishing everyone a wonderful summer.