Pretty good

....those were the words my RE used to describe what he saw on the ultrasound of MY uterus today! Rarely have I heard the word "good" in conjunction with my female plumbing at his office. It felt great. Of course, "good" is only relative; meaning it's (pretty) good for me, not necessarily good for the average fertile woman.

My uterine lining at CD 11 measured something over 8mm. For me, that's as good as it gets. Remember the ill-fated IVF #2? On trigger day (10 days of heavy-duty stims, so heavy duty I am embarrased to tell you how much Follistim I wasted) my lining measured a measly 6.something mm. So 8mm sounds rather cushy, wouldn't you agree? Apparently, I also have two follicles growing, one on the right and one on the left (one measured around 15mm, the other I am not sure). Remember the ill-fated IVF #2? Not only was my lining pretty shitty, my left ovary also couldn't be bothered to produce any follicles. Not a single one, despite the heavy duty FSH offerings. I was sorta under the impression it had retired. But, no! It still does business with me once in a while. And just imagine: if I were to spit out two follicles in a "natural" cycle (not saying I will), I got half my IVF harvest right there.

So, I was pleasantly surprised today. Not only was my lining actually better than during my last (expensive) IVF cycle, but both of my ovaries had some action going on. Priceless. And so much cheaper than IVF...

Bone Marrow donor?

I was wrong and I like it. The sun was shining here in the Northwest afterall! Though it's still much too chilly for my taste. After all, it's June...The pathology report came back on my mole and i am happy to report that all is good.

Today at the park, I ran into a father whose baby is seriously sick from the day he was born and spent pretty much most of his life at the hospital (we are fortunate to live close to a great childrens' hospital). I didn't understand all of it, but from what I gathered the young boy was born with a severe immune system dysfunction. He had a bone marrow transplant some time ago and was just now allowed to go outside for the first time in his life. The father urged me to think about being part of the national bone marrow registry. I think I'll do it. In fact, I should have done this a long time ago. It does cost some money to register, but it is worth it for me. I may not be able to grow new life, but maybe I can help sustain a child's life nonetheless?

My RE is not the best of record keepers. Maybe he tries to hide that I am still his patient, after all I am not really a success story. I called today to make my ultrasound appointment and nobody knew what I was talking about. I didn't think it was that exotic to get your lining checked after a hysteroscopy, particularly not if it was suggested by your doctor (who didn't leave any notes about your last appointment in your folder). I guess i should have called earlier, but RE appointments are not my most favorite things to do.

I talked to one of my SILs a while ago. She had a miscarriage a couple of months ago and is trying to get pregnant again. I think she's now in the stage where it starts to bother one not to get knocked up immediately because after all it shouldn't be that difficult, right? I remember that stage. And then the one where I couldn't any longer ignore that something was seriously wrong. Getting my period back then was emotionally far worse than it is now. It's been almost three years that I set out to try for another baby. It's been almost five years that my body nurtured a baby. I was 34 when I tried for my second baby, as old as my SIL is now. It's pretty useless to think about it, but damn do I wish I didn't get Asherman's after Miss V birth. With two dysfunctional tubes at 34 I had no chance. And you know what my gynacologist said when I voiced some concern about my light periods? "scarring is so rare, don't worry about it." Yeah, well. But it's futile to wonder about the ifs. 34 for me is gone...long gone. I can't help it though I am still hoping for one ninja, even at the somewhat ancient age of 37 (and apparently I am more ancient at 37 than others). Cute, eh?

Have you had your annual mole check-up yet?

I went to the dermatologist last week. "What a nice doctor" I thought when she said "I always like to see you." But wait: that was before she continued to say "because you have over 100 moles and therefore are more likely to get melanomas." Gulp. Nothing like a meeting with your doctors when they throw cancer threats right at you. And yes, I am practically a walking mole. Right now you can still see a glimmer of my "natural" skin tone shining through here and there, but as I grow more and more of those moles, well, let's just say I look more and more dotted. I even grow them on the palms of my hands! The sunny side of the growing moles is, of course, that one day I will only have one mole instead of the 100s I have now. It'll be big, sure, but only one (and therefore my likelihood of melanomas should go down, right? RIGHT?!) . It's been some time since they cut out some of my moles for future preservation (mine that is). Last week I said good-bye to another. By the way, Dr. Google diagnosed me with some hereditary mole issue. Just wondering about my little sister now. She has just as many moles as I do, but in addition she's also losing skin pigments. That should cancel the cancer threat, I would think. It's like a built-in eraser...

I remember in pre-infertility years, I took my skin much more seriously than i do at the moment. For some reason I cannot get the energy up and check my beloved moles as often as I should. I do, however, take my doctor's visits seriously. And I am moderately good about not getting too much sun (and using sun screen). I have given up on getting a nice tan a long time ago. It just doesn't happen. My natural skin tone, as much as you can still see of it, is ghostly white. It doesn't burn as easily as people think it would, but it doesn't obain much color either (unless of course I grow another mole...). But I have to admit: sometimes I like to feel sunshine on my face...it just feels so damn good.

Unfortunately, there is no sunshine here in the Northwest. I am cold. And apparently we won't have nice sunshine for yet another couple of days?!

i am excited though because tomorrow we will start our garden project 2007! Yes, we will finally be able to get rid off the dandilion salad field in our front yard and replace it with some low-maintenance plants and a patio. And the street side strip will be covered in some nice ground-covers that do not need to be moved every other day! We have a corner lot. Never again. Far too much street garden to take care off. But of course, as first time home owners we didn't think of those things.

Sometimes I catch up on pregnant (in)fertility blogs and am surprised how far along the pregnancies are. Some of them started shortly before I had my first round of positive tests (Feb), some before my second round (April). It boggles my mind to think that with some luck I could be far into my second trimester or at least leaving my first. It's not that I get incredibly sad when i have those thoughts but they do make me sentimental. I also still look at my collection of positive tests and shake my head in wonder.

The collection has not got bigger. The last round of tests dared to be completely negativ, followed by another period. I am currently on day 3. Guess, I will not use Letrozole this cycle either as i haven't talked to my RE yet. I have to call him tomorrow though to make an ultrasound appointment to spy on my lining. Hope things look okay in there, but that's all i can do anyway: hoping.

Today i finished another little set of summer pants for Miss V. It feels good to be productive.